I don't ask much of the world, and I know that most people are worse off then I am. I believe in God, and sometimes when I'm prideful I like to act like a stronger Christian then I am. Being sent to a private Christian school is hard, as sometimes they only teach you the Christian point of view. However, I believe that both science and Christianity can co-exist and benefit each other. I believe that I am open minded, keeping one eye on the secular point of view, and one on the Christian side of things.
With that little bit of information, I would like to announce to the world that I am not gay. I am attracted to other men, but I don't consider myself gay. I am attracted to girls also, but I'm not bisexual. When It's late at night, and I'm at the most intimate part of my day, I am thinking about a man as I slowly start to masturbate. However, I'm not gay, nor am I bisexual. I consider myself a struggling straight man.
I have come to believe some certain fact and idea. I wish to not insult anyone, but this is what I've found to be true. I believe being gay is an act of weakness. I believe that everyone, both men and women are born being attracted to both sexes. We then get to chose which sex we would like to pursue. Most pick the opposite, because in today's culture, men are told they must find woman attractive and they must have sex with them, and likewise for women. As a Christian viewpoint I believe that It is indecent to be attracted to men, and we must overcome our natural human feelings of lust. We have to fight that lust that is attracting us to the wrong sex. Thus those that cave into those feelings are weak. I don't judge them, I feel bad for them. I know they are happy with there lives, but my Christian upbringing tells me that they are living a sinful life, and that it is not acceptable.
I believe that I'm not gay, I believe that I'm just fighting lust, lust towards guys. I know that one day I will find a girl who loves me deeply, and she will eventually be my wife, and I will love her back. I'm not sure what will happen before that, I may, somewhere along the lines, cave in to my sinful nature, but I know that I must stay strong.
I wish that my writing this had made things more clear to me. In fact it just kind of muddled everything together, making me wonder if my beliefs are real. Faith is hard. But without faith, what does mankind have?
