Saturday, August 11, 2007

Dear Mom

I don't know if I could or should call you that. You gave me up when I was born. I spent so many years hating you that I never did say Thank you. I hope that giving up my sister and I was a sacrifice. I am glad that I have her. She is the most amazing person in my life. I love her so much.

I have to say that if you worried that I wouldn't have a great life, I do. It is filled with the trials and tribulations of an ever day American sailor. I know, I wasn't raised in Portugal. My new family moved to America. It is a home that i have swore a oath to die protecting.

I don't know what I would say to you if we ever met. I look for you everytime I visit. I look rather for myself and my sister in every women that walks by.

I wanted to say that i am almost over my fear of abandonment (you gave that to me), my fear of failure and my desire to separate myself from everyone that loves me. I am sorry to say, I think those are the only things you gave me besides my tendency to gain weight around the middle and my big feet.

I m tall you know, and people say that Im pretty. I am smart and happy. My real parents love me. They put up the lying stage ( I am still outgrowing), the suicide attempt( I wasn't always happy) and all the other problems that come from having adopted daughter. I am happy and I think on the verge of normalcy.

I just wanted to say that I am okay. I didn't forget you and hope that you didn't forget us. I hope that you think about me everyday. I hope that you love us still. I hope that you don't have a new family that you replaced us with. I hope that we weren't just mistakes. I hope that you know our fathers and that they mattered. I hope you weren't a prostitute. I hope a lot of things, I just wish that you would find me and tell me everything Ive been wondering about?

Oh and do I have another other brothers and sisters?

Love
your daughter,
Navygirl 03,04,1983

Dear Robot

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