Its funny somehow that I'm writing this to you, and high too. Being stoned reminds me of you. Sometimes when we're together i still can feel the my hate for you bubbling up. But most of the time i just feel this enormous gap that is between us i do not know who you are, even though i hang out with you everyday. Weird. When ever we start to talk about what happened, whats happening it just stops with "there is just too much shit" and there is. Reminiscing with you reminds me of what we were, what we had, how we wish we could be, most of it comes back to being free and not so sad( I'm not sure that we ever had that).
You had a boyfriend when i met you, i thought you were the coolest person ever, (I idolized you) and i was looking for someone to do drugs with. I also remember the first time you told me you were bisexual i freaked out even though i had a crush on you. You changed me so much, so much that i cant even remember who i used to be. I still hate sometimes that i had so many firsts with you and it didn't mean anything to either of us. We still pretend none of it happened. I was the one that you cheated on your boyfriend with, but to you it didn't even count as cheating because i was little more than an after thought.
I did so much for you. I felt like i was your doll for you to play with and dress me up like i wasn't a person with you. I didn't even care. Now I don't know how to talk to you. All the fucked up things you do to people scare the shit out of me. I feel like I'm loosing everything with all of our friends going off to college, soon it will just be me and you. I hate how we make fun of each other for being gay in front of our friends, sometimes i hate how you don't get mad at me anymore it scares me. When your normal i feel as if everything is going to fall apart and when your crazy i feel like leaving because i cant deal with your shit. I hate how we have so many new friends now because i feel like we are all growing less close with other people around all the time. I don't understand how we can be so close yet not know each other at all.
