Wow, this year has gone by fast. Do you remember that first day at camp, when we just happened to be assigned to the same cabin? You made a simple slip of the tongue, and then were basically forced to come out to me. Sorry about that. What about the Seattle trip, where we ate dinner at some fancy restaurant and couldn't help but crack up at the little old ladies and their conversations about Dr. Phil? That was the night I first told you that I had a crush on you. You said the feeling was mutual. I was shaking. We tried that first time, but you know how it is, two people new to the game and all, we couldn't make it last. It got slightly awkward between us, but eventually things got back to normal. That was October.
December rolled around, and we started talking constantly. Everynight I called you, every single night. We talked about nothing for hours on end. And then, you asked me, "Am I just spinning my wheels here?" I was quite shocked. I thought you were over me. I really did. We tentatively entered a relationship again. This time, we did things differently, and it was going well. On New Year's Eve I spent the night. It was a really great night, I have got to admit. We both got our first kiss that night, lying on your bed, your parents in the other room. In the morning you had a hickey, while mine was barely detectable. I must admit, I was proud of that hickey. You were just nervous about it. I tried to make you feel better by making you a label.
And then, a little while later, you broke my heart. Literally, we went from talking for hours one day to not talking at all the next. And it hurt. A lot. But now I thought I should let you know:
I am slowly getting over you dear. I gave you so many of my firsts, and it hurts me so much to see you, but everyday it hurts a little less. The thing that does hurt the most though, is knowing that you simply cannot accept yourself. Darling, being gay does not define you. It makes me so sad to see you unhappy, and by self-sabatoging the way you do, you are only going to get more and more angry at the world. Please, come out. Make yourself happy. I can't do it for you.
