It hurts a lot to know that our relationship has an expiration date. Soon, you will leave for Boston and there's a good chance it will be over between us. I tell you I'll be fine. On your long trips, I just tried to use the military-wife mentality- that you're off doing good. That you probably miss me as much as I miss you. That I should just try to stay busy. That you'll be back soon. But I don't know if that will work for this, as you are moving there. It is for your future and your career, so I guess I understand the move.
It will just be very hard. I've been getting better, though. I'm trying to stay optimistic. I figure, if you leave and end up missing me like crazy and want to come back, it's meant to be. If you leave and are totally fine, then it's not. I'm trying to accept this and look forward to the future. I try to look forward to meeting someone new, or possibly continuing our relationship. I try to stay in the moment and enjoy what little time we have left.
You showed me that not all men are jerks. You taught me to open up, for that, I thank you, and though you think I am still keeping something inside, I am much better than I once was.
I actually AM keeping something inside. I am trying to keep distance from you. I don't want to miss you. I don't want to feel like I had just been rejected, or left, like a have before. I know it's unrealistic to feel this way... I mean we're still pretty young- it's not like it is very likely that we are going to get married. I still feel like we will, though.
I hate myself for imagining us together. I hate that I am hurting myself by doing this. I hate that I think you'll come back to me.
You have taught me a lot about life.
I wish you were not so fucking amazing.
I wish I were not so fucking fragile.
Love always,
Your little butterfly
PS- I have no doubt that you'll do great things. You will change the world. If this relationship doesn't work out, you'd better have an amazing life. You'd better think of me when ever you hear The Shins. You'd better be happy.
