The past couple of days have been decent. I mean this isn’t what I wanted for my spring break; never did I imagine that this spring break would be the one. It’s weird because it’s the only spring break we’ve ever spent together or really even ever talked on. I honestly don’t know. I have been going through both profiles continuously the past two days, especially mine. I’ve been reading the bumper stickers that regardless of what happened actually mean something to me. It’s three of them that stick out the most and mean the most to me at all in general. I don’t know, maybe we just aren’t meant to be in each other’s lives like this. I mea n it seems that we constantly fight and bicker and not talk to each other. Don’t get me wrong, I think friends should fight and bicker but it seems like we do it more than anyone else and it seems as if we are good one day and then the next day its like ruined. Yeah I know some of it is my fault and I start them and I never mean to. What hurt the most is that we didn’t even talk at all on Monday and the only thing you say to me is, “Guess who came to visit me”. Like just rub it in even more why don’t you. Like I don’t want this to sound like a rant and a vent of frustration because it’s not what it’s mean to be. Answer me this, do these quotes mean nothing to you anymore?
“I know we have been through hard and rough times but you will always be my best friend no matter what happens?”
“It’s not about where you go in life. It’s about who’s by your side that makes it all worthwhile.”
“The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes yet still loves everything about you.”
I’m not going to lie, I feel that since the incident on the Thursday before my spring break nothing has been the same ever since. It feels like you were trying to avoid me and I mean go ahead if you feel that is right but just tell me then. You know I can handle honesty and it happens. I still don’t know how to forgive you for lying to me, I won’t lie, I still just doubt everything that you have ever said to me since you lied about the hook-up with D. It hurt more that you hid it from me since October than the actual act and I don’t mean to beat a dead bush but how does that make me feel? Had we not argued about when you came down, then you wouldn’t have even told me is what hurts the most, the fact that you accidentally told me. It wasn’t as if you were like “I can’t hide this anymore” here it is, no it was by accident.
I’ll be the first to admit that yeah I haven’t been the greatest friend in the past couple of months and I apologize, but not once did I lie to you. I’ve told you straight up about how I feel about everything. Yeah maybe I have treated you like crap lately and I don’t mean to but just take a step back and look at it from my point of view. I feel as if the person who became my best friend is no longer that person. I feel as if everything that made me fall for you and want to become friends with you isn’t there anymore. I feel like I don’t even know you sometimes anymore. Yeah, we’ll talk and you’ll tell me about what’s going on in your life but I feel like I still don’t know you. The you inside, not the you that you’ve been showing me for the past year since we started talking but the real you. The you that I know is inside there and wanting you to let her out.
Love always
Teddy Bear
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