"Fuck you, Mom"
You always told me that when I grew up, I would understand why you treated me the way you did when I was a kid. Now that I am an adult and looking forward to having my own children, your behavior only seems more wrong.
You never accepted me. You wanted a beautiful little doll that you could dress up and show off to your friends. When I refused to wear a dress and didn't want to comb my hair you told me I looked ugly and that you were embarrassed of me. You killed my self-esteem.
When I wanted to stay inside and read books you told me I was a boring person, just like my father. You hated my father and because I am like him, I suppose part of you hated me too. You killed my sense of security.
You were a bully. When you were in a rage, you called me an ungrateful little bitch. You said worse to my brother and you hit him too...and in doing so, broke my heart. You killed my notions of unconditional love.
You made me feel like I had ruined your life.
You made me cry too many times to count. You made me hate who I was, and I mutilated my body in order to deal with the pain. You killed my sense of pride.
When I was 9 you locked yourself in your room for 2 days. You came out once and told me you wanted to kill yourself, then went back to your room for the rest of the day. I was so afraid. You almost killed my mother.
When I was 12 you drove drunk with me in the car. I tried to stop you but you got angry. When we got home you were so wasted you couldn't even get off the bed to vomit. I called your best friend to come over because I was scared. The next day you yelled at me and said that I shouldn't have said anything to anyone. You could have killed your children.
You threw things at me.
You let your boyfriend terrorize me. I constantly lived in fear that his sexual advances would turn physical. He didn't have the balls to do it...but he could have, thanks to you. You killed my trust in men.
You never trusted me or believed me, even though I did everything just right in order to keep you happy. You killed my self-worth.
You have made sure you are not a part of my life. You have no idea what I do, who I love, what I believe, what I want, or what I feel. You are only interested in me when I do something that makes you look good.
You were unapologetic. You had no regrets. You forced me to spend years of my life trapped in depression and anxiety. I knew you would never make it right, so I decided to do it myself.
I am a beautiful person. I have become the person I was meant to be and I love myself. I am unique, dynamic, passionate, giving, and filled with love and wonder. I am an outgoing, confident, and capable woman. You have tried to kill that person since she was born. Guess what, mom? I'm alive.
So fuck you.
