Dear Speech Anxiety

I don't understand you at all, not one bit. I am loud, I am extroverted. Then I have to do a presentation in class, and my voice becomes shaky and my heart starts to beat unusually fast. Why does this happen to me? I do have social anxiety, and I have been on my medication for about six months...but shouldn't you be gone by now? I want to help the world with my words, both written and spoken. But how can I help people if I have to force the words out of my mouth?

I'm a junior in high school, I've been through all kinds of hell. I even had to take a speech class freshmen year, which was terrifying enough. But don't you think that doing a speech almost every day for half a semester would help you go away, right? No. I don't know why you're here and I want you to go away. I can speak at ease with one person, and even two. I can even talk to three people and five people at a time. But when the people become a group, I get scared. I don't know why I get scared. I'm honest, I speak the truth. But I am not going to get scared anymore. I'll go back to the ease of my third grade self, when I was the Tortoise in "The Tortoise in the Hare". I had one of the lead roles and I absorbed that spotlight as much as I could. And I even had to be Pinocchio in a play put on by my school, I even had to sing onstage. I might've been nervous before the performances, but when I got onstage I was at home again.

Perhaps I'm scared because deep inside of me I know that I'm meant to make an impact. With my words, I'm going to help the world. And you cannot supress what I have to say. From now on, I'm going to be the person I'm meant to be. I'm going to be loud all the way around. And if I can learn to speak with care and ease, maybe others can learn from my example. I may not like the life I'm living in, but if I make an impact on the lives of others, I'll be happy to know that they're learning how to enjoy what I can't. I'm truly happy when I help people. And since you'll be gone the moment I send this letter, I'm not going to regret you one bit. I learned from the obstacles you gave me. But I'm not scared anymore. I'm going to be the person I'm meant to be with no limitations to hold me back. I am strongly confident in the person I am and my opinion of myself matters more then the opinion of others. I won't let the opinion others have on me define who I am. Only I can define who I am. And since I'm finally accepting a part of me that I've ignored for so long, I can feel you slowly slipping away. Of course a little of you will still be in me--nerves are normal. But I won't be paralyzed in fear when the attention is on me. Because deep in my heart I know that I'm meant for the spotlight.

I'm finally comfortable with myself. And now I can be comfortable around others.
So bon voyage anxiety! It's been great knowing you, but now I can enjoy a better life without fear.
Love,
Molly