Dear Daryl

You're a drug, an addiction that I've never been able to shake. I crave you, need you, but you're no good for me. I'd sacrifice everything, drop anything, just to taste you, feel you. You're my elixir, my euphoria, my thrill, my high. But after the high comes the crash, and I always feel broken coming down. And yet I never learn. I've shaken the habit, but the memories haunt me. I remember the emotions..the rush. It's what kept me going back again and again. I learned to live without you, but I still crave you every once in awhile. Lately, that temptation has been overwhelming. Maybe it's the stress or the changes in my life. Maybe I need an escape. I feel reckless with you, reckless but free. I miss that. I'm at the point where I don't care about the consequences, I'm just desperate for the familiar rush, even if it's wrong. Even if it destroys me. I've come so close to giving in once, but I was proud I didn't. I can't relapse, not after all the progress that I've made. So many people have helped me along the way, step by step. They're proud of what I've accomplished, how far I've come. To give in would disappoint the people who believed in me the most. I would feel so guilty. I'm terrified to take that step back, cause I know it's a spiraling downfall. You seduce me and I falter. Everyone thinks I'm clean, but inside, I've never stopped craving for you. What bothers me the most is that I'd be willing to risk it all for a taste of excitement. I'm ashamed and terrified. Selfish.

Two years. We've both moved on. And yet, you're a habit I can't seem to kick, can't seem to forget. But you've all but forgotten me. Come back to me.

I need you. I want you. I want you to need me too.

I still love you.

Forever yours,
Squishy