Dear Christopher

For the past week straight I have dreamt about you. I have also sat straight up in bed, eyes wide, shaking and dry mouthed from them. They are so real and so vivid that it almost makes me panic a little.

You and I always got a kick out of each others dreams, because when we were together, when ever one of us would dream about one, the same night the other also had a dream about one too. It makes me wonder if you have also been dreaming about me too; if you wake up shivering and in alarm too. Do you?

My life has been such a huge ball of empty since the day we broke up. To this very second I can’t even remember that awful day at all. But I remember the good thing; coming to see you, spending weekends at your house, watching cartoons all night, baking cookies, and so many other things. You always had me laughing, sometimes to the point where my stomach would hurt. I would gasp for breaths in between laughs begging to you stop, but instead of stopping you would sweep me right off my feet and cradle me in your arms.

Compared to you, I am so little, hence the reason you called me tiny. But you are gorgeous; tall, at least six foot five. Which is giant compared to me at measly five one. Snowboarding gave you a great body, and your eyes were ice blue and I swear they lit up when you smiled. I felt safest in your arms. I knew you loved me; it is the only thing that I will ever be sure of.

Now here we are, coming close to a year later; you are now 18 and I am 20. I have moved away and you are starting college soon. I missed your birthday, prom, graduation; all the things I swore to you I would be there for. But you missed things for me too. In basic, I felt so alone, you never wrote me and when I called you were too busy to talk to me. You didn’t come to my graduation and you fought with me during my first few weeks of tech school.

I knew it was wrong for me to have asked you to wait for me; I knew all our plans of staying together and getting married would be short lived the second I left your arms the night of January 8th. You were crying and I was hysterical, I was shaking and trembling. I think it is because deep down, I knew, I knew that it would be the very last time you held me and kissed me.

Since you have been out of my life, it has been raining; in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. I would give anything just to see you again, just to hear your voice. Without you in my life, I have felt so empty. You are my best friend, my lover, my smile, my laugh, and you hold my heart; whether you know it or not.

I have come to terms with the fact that, I may never see you or talk to you again. I have been moving on with my life, my career is great and my life is happy. But I know that until the day I take my very last breath, I will regret for as long as I live, that night in March that I let you slip through my fingers.

I love you more than anything, Christopher.

Dear Zack Short

We all have regrets in life. My biggest regret is not opening your letters to me after you had broken my heart. Your brother eventually told me that She had lied and the baby wasn't even yours. I'm sure your letters would have mentioned that fact - but I couldn't open them. I carried each one around for weeks, unopened. I would hold them and look at your handwriting. But I had been so totally devastated when you broke it off with me that I couldn't bring myself to risk my heart again. I was too afraid of what those letters might contain. It's been 30 years. And still there is a part of me that has never, and probably will never forget you. I listen to the oldies station, and can't help but smile and think of you whenever I hear "Rubberband Man". Remember that? I really was just a child back then, young and foolish. But the years have proven that what I felt for you was real, genuine, true love.

I doubt you will read this. But maybe someone else will. Maybe they will tell you about it. If you do decide to find me, it really isn't difficult. You can even just "google" my name. I tried to google you, but it didn't help.

I hope life has been good to you. I wish I could have been...........