Dear Mom

You call yourself a Christian. Ha. Obviously you missed out on something. You are judgemental. You are angry. You are untrustworthy. I can't tell you anything for the fear that you will hold it against me. You constantly threaten to cut me off, then are angry when I don't come to you for help when I need it. I can't come to you, you just hurt me more! Tonight I'm crying myself to sleep for the first time in months because of you. I'm happier than I've been in a long time but then you have to rain on my parade, just like always.
So I'm going to be 'living in sin.' So what?? Does that mean that you stop loving me? Because if it does, then as a mother, you suck. You judge your own daughter, a good person, someone who has acheived more than anyone ever thought possible in her life. And you disown her. For what? Your own superior moral sense? Where is that moral superiority when you took out your rages and anger on me? When you always blamed me for all your troubles, and mine?
Don't expect to ever be a part of my wedding, or my children's lives. I won't have them growing up like this. You disown me, well, I disown you. I don't care for someone who would treat me like a pretty on a shelf, to be thrown away at a whim when it no longer matches the decor. There are others who would never do such a thing to me, who will always be there for me, and will never hurt me like this. You have my brother. He's so perfect, just love him. You don't need me. And I guess I don't need you.

Goodbye, and I won't see you at Easter. or Christmas, for that matter.

-Amanda

Dear Mom

I know we're closer than most mother and daughters that I've seen. I have alot of respect for you, and I'm so thankful for everything you've done for my sisters and I. and I'm also thankful that you've let me live in your house while I've been going to school and working.. I don't know why, but I have so much guilt in my stomach.. for keeping secrets from you. Secret one.. I got a tattoo. Its really cool! You'd totally dig it! Its the star that makes Super Mario invensible in the game! its awesome.. its on my lower left arm, almost near my wrist.. I hate feeling like I have to hide it from you by wearing sweaters when you walk in the room, or covering it up super quick.. I know I'm an adult now, but I still feel as if you're going to attack me! Secret two.. I know I promised you, God, and myself, I'd wait until I marry to have sex.. but my fiance and I have been sexually active since, well, pretty much the whole four years we've been together.. but don't worry! I'm being smart about it! I'm on the pill! We waited for each other, so don't worry he's my only partner, and I his. I'm just so scared to tell you these things in real life, because, I don't want you to hate me forever. I love you mom. You are my hero, and I don't want to disappoint you in anyway. I just have to get this off my chest somehow

Mom

I miss you sometimes. Every once in a while I get an urge to call you.
Sometimes the little girl in me surfaces and I wish I could talk to
you. But those moments pass, and they're fewer and far between now. So
go on and live your life, alone in that big house with nothing to do
and no daughter to talk to. I hope you're sitting around, waiting for
me to call like I think you are. I hope you're expecting me to give in
like I always do. But that call will never come, because I've finally
come to a realization: I'm stronger without you. Bet you never thought
you'd hear that, huh?


Sincerely,
Your Not-So-Loving Daughter

hey mother

your birthday's coming up. i always think about what i can do to show you how much i love you, and not just get you a shirt or a new kitchen item. i'll probably get a tattoo on my arm for you. something that will be with me at all times to remind me of you. i don't really need it though, i'm reminded every day. when i show love and compassion towards others it reminds me of you. when people tell me that i have a great smile, it reminds me of yours. when i'm dropping gratuitous f-bombs, i can hear you saying my name in that voice that means you're shocked and disappointed that such a thing would come out of my mouth...even though it comes out every 6 words or so.

i'm so proud of you as a woman and as a parent. i see what you do to other people when you're around them. people love you, and why not? you are funny, and more importantly you laugh a lot. you are beautiful, kind hearted, and aware. you continue to grow even in your 50's, and continue to amaze me with your ability to do so. you're not set in your ways, and you still think of other possibilities out there.

you love dad. you guys are still together. there's no doubt in my mind that it took so much patience and strength for you two to get through it all. i'm very grateful that you did. i'm special in that my parents have been together for 35 years and will likely remain together forever. forever isn't a term proved to be anything but a fantasy these days. you prove that it's still alive.

i'm so excited to see you for christmas, and i'm sorry that i only get to see you two or three times a year. i had to move and try something new, but i promise that i'll be back. i don't want to miss many more years with you being a constant presence in my life. maybe i'll let you open up that restaurant for me, and i'll be there to not only be your chef, but to be your active son again.

i love you and miss you so much. i'm lucky that i was picked to be your son.

Dear Mom

I've just realized how much you love your work, and everything you've given up for it. Now i understand it all.
You love those children and you just want to help them, make them better persons, and i must admit you do a wonderful work.

I've seen the people you've helped, and they are very grateful and they admire you as much as anyone can admire another. You've changed their lives, you've guided them to the right path. You don't only teach them the necessary, you make make them feel loved and cared. Even in the hard times, when they just want to quit, you're there helping them and lending your shoulder to cry, even if they don't acknowledge what you've given them you're there, you're always there for them. And finally after 7 years I understand it, i understand you're living your dream, i understand that if there is someone in need you'll help them even if it is 2 in the morning because that's who you are. I get all that, I really do.

But that doesn't make it better. It just makes me feel like I'm not as important for you as your work, or any of those children. I've wished that for the past 7 years you would've helped me more, guided me through the right path, be the shoulder i could cry on when everything was going wrong. I've wished i could trust you more, i could admire you as much as those people do. I wish you could love me as much as your work. I wish you took some time off and stop worrying for at least one day. I wish you were more like dad. He knows me, he understands me, he always knows what want I to hear, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel loved. Now I've stopped wishing.

I see you and i feel you're so far away. The first step is difficult, i know it, but someone has to take it. So take this as the first step. Because even though you don't know me, i sure know who you are: you're my mom and i love you.

Dear Mom

I don't know if I could or should call you that. You gave me up when I was born. I spent so many years hating you that I never did say Thank you. I hope that giving up my sister and I was a sacrifice. I am glad that I have her. She is the most amazing person in my life. I love her so much.

I have to say that if you worried that I wouldn't have a great life, I do. It is filled with the trials and tribulations of an ever day American sailor. I know, I wasn't raised in Portugal. My new family moved to America. It is a home that i have swore a oath to die protecting.

I don't know what I would say to you if we ever met. I look for you everytime I visit. I look rather for myself and my sister in every women that walks by.

I wanted to say that i am almost over my fear of abandonment (you gave that to me), my fear of failure and my desire to separate myself from everyone that loves me. I am sorry to say, I think those are the only things you gave me besides my tendency to gain weight around the middle and my big feet.

I m tall you know, and people say that Im pretty. I am smart and happy. My real parents love me. They put up the lying stage ( I am still outgrowing), the suicide attempt( I wasn't always happy) and all the other problems that come from having adopted daughter. I am happy and I think on the verge of normalcy.

I just wanted to say that I am okay. I didn't forget you and hope that you didn't forget us. I hope that you think about me everyday. I hope that you love us still. I hope that you don't have a new family that you replaced us with. I hope that we weren't just mistakes. I hope that you know our fathers and that they mattered. I hope you weren't a prostitute. I hope a lot of things, I just wish that you would find me and tell me everything Ive been wondering about?

Oh and do I have another other brothers and sisters?

Love
your daughter,
Navygirl 03,04,1983

Dear Mom

I finally see.
And I hope you forgive me.