Dear Lyndsey

You are the best friend I have ever had, and probably will ever have.

Thank you

Dear Chris Edds

I cannot believe it has been almost 16 years since you went away. I had no idea a bond could linger so long without any contact.

So many memories of my growing up included you. Remember trying to get drunk off a few beers while fishing with Tony in the middle of the night? What rebels we thought we were. Good Christian kids up to no good. Makes me laugh even more now. Remember pretending to be a married couple so we could test drive new cars? Remember singing that Robert Plant song in my car? Remember your prom? And all the track meets? You were such a good friend that I thought there was nothing that would ever come between us.

I used to call you my adopted brother. That was when we were in high school and things got so bad with your dad that you were thinking of staying with me and my mom permanently. I wanted you to be my brother.

I was happy when you met the woman who later became your wife. I had someone and you did too. Seemed like things were looking up for both of us. That’s why I will never understand why she took you out of my life and said all the things she did. It was strange - like a bad joke because it was so far from the truth. I saved the tape from my answering machine for a while. Her little sister screaming and cursing me. I guess I wanted you to hear the insanity of it. But my own marriage was failing fast by then. And it occurred to me that I never wanted you to go through that pain too. So, just as she demanded, I stopped all contact.

For many years I went over that situation, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I know now that whatever happened had very little to do with me and more to do with the imagination of a young and very insecure girl whom you loved. The girl you married. You did what you had to do. Our friendship was the price.

I want you to know that I forgive you.

But I also want you to know that as I am raising my daughter, here on the other side of the country; while I am finally married to the greatest love of my life, I think of you often. I wish they could know you and hear some of the stories about us growing up straight from you. You knew me so well. I cannot help but miss the friendship we had.

I hope you are well, Chris. Nothing but the best.

Dear You

So, are you ever going to talk to me again? I mean, after what you did, I would really appreciate an apology. There's nothing like humiliating someone and then not making an effort to talk to them for over a week. Ha. You have absolutely zero idea what hell I'VE been put through because of your horrible mistake. Wondering if you're going to be alienated from your friends is a whole bunch of fun, trust me, especially when it was never your mistake in the first place. If you never want to talk to me again, fair enough, but at least have the guts to make it final. Don't sit around thinking I'm going to make it all better and remove all the blame from you, you smug bastard. No excuses this time my friend. I'm not going to play dead.

Oh, and by the way, go fuck yourself, seeing as none of your friends will do it for you.

Dear Miss Jordan

I'm sorry that our friendship had to end. I know I should've explained myself better before I just deleted and blocked you on everything. It just hurt so much, knowing that I had already been replaced, and that I was just a rebound friend. Thats not how friendship should work.

When you came to visit me for Christmas and then again for spring, it was one of the most awesome memories I'll ever have of our friendship. I hope you don't hate me, I hope you don't not like me, I just hope you understand that our friendship sort of changed after you became a real person, instead of just an online person.

I felt like you just used me for a time when she wasnt in your life. Now, shes back in your life and you're happy. I'm happy for you. I should've given you some explanation. I should've.

Know that now, I'm happy. He's gonna ask me to marry him and that makes me happy, and we're even looking for a house! Its crazy how life treats you. Maybe one day in the far future, we'll be friends again. Then we'll be happy.