I cannot believe it has been almost 16 years since you went away. I had no idea a bond could linger so long without any contact.
So many memories of my growing up included you. Remember trying to get drunk off a few beers while fishing with Tony in the middle of the night? What rebels we thought we were. Good Christian kids up to no good. Makes me laugh even more now. Remember pretending to be a married couple so we could test drive new cars? Remember singing that Robert Plant song in my car? Remember your prom? And all the track meets? You were such a good friend that I thought there was nothing that would ever come between us.
I used to call you my adopted brother. That was when we were in high school and things got so bad with your dad that you were thinking of staying with me and my mom permanently. I wanted you to be my brother.
I was happy when you met the woman who later became your wife. I had someone and you did too. Seemed like things were looking up for both of us. That’s why I will never understand why she took you out of my life and said all the things she did. It was strange - like a bad joke because it was so far from the truth. I saved the tape from my answering machine for a while. Her little sister screaming and cursing me. I guess I wanted you to hear the insanity of it. But my own marriage was failing fast by then. And it occurred to me that I never wanted you to go through that pain too. So, just as she demanded, I stopped all contact.
For many years I went over that situation, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I know now that whatever happened had very little to do with me and more to do with the imagination of a young and very insecure girl whom you loved. The girl you married. You did what you had to do. Our friendship was the price.
I want you to know that I forgive you.
But I also want you to know that as I am raising my daughter, here on the other side of the country; while I am finally married to the greatest love of my life, I think of you often. I wish they could know you and hear some of the stories about us growing up straight from you. You knew me so well. I cannot help but miss the friendship we had.
I hope you are well, Chris. Nothing but the best.
