To Zach

I know now why D left you. I still don't agree with the method, but Ifeel sorry for her. You are selfish. You spend all your timethinking about Zach, about what he wants, about what he needs. Younever think about me. Never do anything for me. I have given youeverything I could, and then some more. All the small things,touches, caresses, and the bigger things too.

You never gave me anything but heartache. You said you would never hurt me, that I could trust you. You knew how broken I already was. Yet still you selfishly told me you loved me, but didn't have time for a relationship. That's the biggest load of **** I have ever heard. Then you decided you would try. I told you then that you had better be sure, that I didn't want to be a yo-yo. I hate that my heart, and my mental state, rests in your thoughtless hands. At a whim you decide to drop me, and pick me back up, and I am helplessly along for the ride, because I love you and I need you- I need to know that SOMEONE loves me and cares for me. Even selfish Zach.

This time you dropped me because you 'can`t deal with a relationship right now'. Code for 'you can`t deal with ME'. I spent last night sobbing in the shower, waiting for you to call like you promised. Of course, you didn't call, because you're selfish. You didn`t consider me at all, didn`t consider that I was here not committing suicide for the mere hope that you would say again that you´ve reconsidered and want me back.

The most pathetic part is that, even though I´ve realized that you are poison, I would still take you back because I need you, I want you, and after and over everything else, I love you.

Please call me back. I need to hear your voice.

To the guy who broke my heart, again,

Why did you even bother saying anything in the first place? Did breaking my heart once not satisfy you? You had to do it again?

I know you don't mean to hurt me like this, or at least I hope you don't, but really, you just couldn't help yourself could you, knowing I was weaker than you. You make me feel like it's my fault, but it's not!! You did this to me, you gave yourself back to me, took my heart and then crushed it just when I we might actually have a chance to be together. You never even gave it a go, how can you condemn this relationship before it's even started?!
I
will get over you this time, I'm going to force myself, I will NOT be messed around again, if you ever want to speak to me again you're gonna have to prove yourself to me. I will not be weak, I'm determined this time.

Why did you call me? It felt like you were just rubbing it in! You make me so angry, at least you gave me a reason to be annoyed this time. I don't believe you'll miss me, I believe you'll miss the attention, the ego boost, the company...not me.

I hope you're hurting as much as I am, I really do. You can't keep breaking my heart just to avoid getting yourself into deep water. You're a coward, you really are. You should have ended this properly ages ago and not given me false hope. You're selfish!
See how frustrated you've made me?! I don't want to hate you but you're making it so much easier!

I hate the fact that I let you break my heart, twice, and I HATE that fact that I still want you.
Goodbye. This time I really want to mean it.

ASH

Why will you fuck me but not make-out with me?
Ever?

I know you love me [after one year and five months, it's not hard to] but you make me feel like trash when you want to get straight to the "ol' in-out-in-out" but won't even at least KISS me beforehand.

Dear Joel

It's been six years since we were eighteen years old, at college together. Amazing how time flies, isn't it? Just wanted to let you know I'm doing much better now. My hair grew back. I don't think you noticed, but it fell out shortly after I starved myself for those couple months trying to get you back. Anyway, it grew back nice and long. I'm actually fat now. Way fatter than I ever was when I was with you. When I look at pictures from our time together, I'm struck by how small I looked. But I wasn't small enough for you. That's okay, I understand. I just hope when you get married (if you aren't already),that your wife gets real big after she pops out a few of your babies.
If you're anything like your dad - real terrific guy, by the way,leaving your mom and dating an ugly 25 year old (dude, she was NASTY) - you'll follow suit and when your wife gets too old and fat, you'll probably leave her too.

But I digress. I'm doing real good, Joel. I'm doing just what I always dreamed of. You never thought I had any talent, but I'm on TV now. I doubt you have gigs five nights a week like I do. I got off the drugs I started taking after you dumped me. I can't excuse what I did, but seeing you was a knife in my heart and I wanted to stop feeling that pain. I just smoke pot now, and drink, nothing harder than that. Do you still drink? Did you ever smoke up with anyone else, or was I the first and only? And hey, when did you lose your virginity? I waited and waited and after I finally did it two years ago I wondered what all the fuss was about. What about you? Did you do it with that Asian girl you dated after me? Or did you finally get your perfect woman, your perfect skinny little Adrienne who you wanted so bad? She would make you wait to tie the knot before you could fuck her, so maybe you married her. I know I wasn't worth losing your virginity for, so who was?

Anyways, Joel, I just wanted to tell you that although you ruined my life, if you hadn't, I would never have dropped out of school to get away from you, so I never would have been in the right place at the right time to make my dreams come true. So thank you!

P.S. I still love you and I always will.