I hate how much I fucking miss you. This sucks and hurts so much. I hate how I know what you're thinking, and how much I loved it when you caught me on my crap. I thought I was over this, but I know now that I'm not. I don't think I ever will be.
I hated how you turned your head that one time I saw you at school. I hated you for a while after that. I hate how we are able to fool ourselves at times, and try to make ourselves believe that we have moved on. I know now that our heart and mind work differently, and that I've become quite good at making myself think I can be just your friend.
This is why this sucks, because I know for sure that we will never work as friends. I think there is something that scares us, for me it's whether or not my family would accept you. I look at you and feel like I would never have anything to offer you. I feel ugly when I'm around you, and I hate thinking that you could do so much better. I don't think that we'll ever be friends. Just acquaintances. And you know what, people that connect like we do shouldn't only be able to have that.
I wish that I was over you, and that we had this amazing friendship. No, I wish that nothing was holding us back and that we could just be.
I wish a lot.
I miss you a lot.
I think the best thing for me to do is avoid you at all costs. I will no longer come on MSN hoping you will be there. Avoidance is the best way now. I can't live my life hoping something will happen. No more. I need to stop this now.
